This commercial for jockey underwear illustrates, through an appeal to ethos and pathos, how you could be happier by “daring to be you.” When the two young adults run out of the line, they are overcoming the societal ideal of being sexy and deciding to just be comfortable and happy with who they are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyUOeYO79Oo
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The thesis statement offers a statement of significance and the thesis is sharp enough. A few suggestions would be that it needs to be made into an argument and it needs to be only one sentence that isn't as dense.
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